False Alarm of Unfunny Clown
Tad Russel jolted to his feet Tuesday morning around 6:36am, for a long day’s work. While watching 2 Broke Girls reruns and making coffee, the 58-year old was startled at what he saw in his yard. A juggalo dressed in red shoes, a wacky colorful tie, and vibrant face paint, was bypassing his property. The man was equipped with binoculars and a small knife.
“I ran out there with whatever I could hold. In this case it was a rolling pin for my morning biscuits. You see I like them fresh….” Russel continued to a reluctant audience. “So, I sneak up on this juggalo and scream my Navajo war cry as loud as I can in his ear hole. That’s when I pounce.”
Russel reports the juggalo tried to squirt water in his face through the use of a pseudo flower attached to his ragged yellow coat. Water flow was skillfully operated from a pump located near the juggalo’s palm. Despite his dislike of juggalos, something did not sit right after the fourth strike with the rolling pin. His bright red nose made a funny and pathetic honking sound when struck.
Through the screams of agony and confusion, little tears streamed down the makeup and it became clear to Tad Russel. He could never feel bad about beating a juggalo with a rolling pin. This was clearly a clown unassociated with any musical act. The rolling pin was dropped, as were the charges.
“Could you imagine my embarrassment?” Russel laughs, “He wasn’t a juggalo at all! Just a normal clown. Apparently, he goes and performs for the local elementary school at recess. Doesn’t accept no money either! Does it out of charity. He kept asking about my grandkids. Could you imagine their faces if I got a clown to pick them up from school? Geeze, Louise, get out of town!”
Russel’s neighbor, Jules McCool, chimed in on the incident, “I am almost positive that is the clown that has been terrorizing students at my daughter’s elementary school. I don’t know, though. He seems really lame and unfunny. You know? Like I just expect a terrorizing clown to have more confidence.”
The clown refused to comment or state his name.
